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I am a Big Sister in the Big Brothers/ Big Sistersorganization. And it's not all fun and games. I like being a positive influence in a little girl's life. But it can be so frustrating. Last night I took little P out to to dinner and to the library to get her very own library card. The lady behind the counter said that she couldn't get one unless her parent was with her. And she was quite curt about it, too. No sympathy. No mercy. That made me a tad angry because her parents would never take her to the library. There is a library three blocks from her house and she's never set foot in there. I don't know why.

She's way behind in school, but she's shown some interest in reading. She doesn't have access to books. And that really really frustrates me. Books help you learn. Grow. Change. Escape. And she can't have it on her own.

We rented a book on my library card and she seemed pleased about that. I hope she really enjoys it and insists that her mother take her to get a library card. (I think this is wishful thinking.)

After that incident, I was pretty peeved for the remainder of the night. For some reason I couldn't let it go. And I felt awful because that is not a good way to be around a child. That is not a positive influence. Now I'm just feeling awful about the whole match. I don't think I can handle this. I should never have kids of my own. I am not a patient person. I am not someone to look up to.

I think I need to go back to bed. Great. Now I've worked myself into a grumpy mood. Over a mean little librarian lady. See? I still haven't let it go.

I'll stop now. Sheesh.