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Wedding dress shopping commenced yesterday afternoon. I drove up to wedding dress central (there are about 4 bridal stores in a row) and tried on approximately 50 dresses. I had no idea the process was so involved.

The first thing handed to me to include was a puffy slip right out of the package which had a really peculiar odor. I spun around in the dressing room a few times to air it out. It was tight around my waist so I could barely breathe. But I was tiny.

Next I was handed a stiff, padded boustier which I quickly declined. (I was smart and wore my own comfy strapless bra.) These boustiers are designed to add at least 4 cup sizes. And busty-lope is just not me.

So, I picked out a few dresses to test. It was a very strange experience. There was so much fabric it strained my muscles to lift them from their plastic bags. It was like skiing when I pulled them over my head. Just white nothingness everywhere and I felt like I should have some ski poles to navigate the hills of tulle.

I put one dress on and walked out the fitting room only to realize it had a butt bow. I was under the impression that these were extinct. Took the dress off immediately.

I found one that I liked and spun around in front of the mirror. I didn't look like myself. I looked like a little girl playing dress up. Especially when the sales lady handed me a tiara (with little teeth that stick in your hair). I thought about it for a second and decided against it. It is just too weird and painful-looking.

After trying on a bazillion dress, being pinched here and there and flooded with satin and tulle all the dresses looked exactly the same. None of them felt special or perfect. So, I left empty handed and exhausted.

I need to try again some other day and just go to one, maybe two stores. And no slip or scary toothed tiaras next time.