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Something is off. Logically, I know thatit's just one thing, but it makes me feel like everything is off. It's like moldy bread. One little section gets a little fuzzy and that's all you can focus on. You can't cut it off or eat around it. You just throw the whole thing out.

I feel like I've lost perspective. Like I've lost my path. I try so hard to work towards my goals, and sometimes it seems like the goal is silly or unreachable or just a different dead end.

I don't know what to do to shake this. If we are in control of our own life, I have to be the one to do it. But why does that seem so hard? Why do I feel so stuck? I really think it's fear. The fear of failure. The fear of responsibility or the fear of avoiding it.

I am being really pessimistic. Maybe I'll try the ten list thing again.

1. I was on time today. 2. The sun is shining. 3. Heartland Film Festival 4. Scary movie night 5. Winter clothes I'd forgotten I have 6. Sugary coffee with vanilla creamer 7. Giving people gifts 8. To do lists that get shorter 9. That "in love" feeling 10. Gewurztraminer wine

That's a little better...