I was never one of the popular peoplein highschool. I had a very different take on everything and was therefore sort of an outcast. My brother was my best friend. We drove around in our beaters talking about life and what we wanted. And we felt different. I guess everyone probably felt that way to some extent.
I was never invited to parties. It hurt for a while at first. Even if you are the outcast, you still want people to want you around. And I would have to hear about how "awesome" last weekend was....What so- and-so did...how funny that other thing was. It wasn't pretty. I felt like a loser.
In college the same trend continued. People went to parties and gatherings and I didn't. But now I didn't want to. I'd been to several parties and always felt weird and awkward and silly. And I usually left early and went to do my own thing. And I'd feel guilty about not wanting what everyone else apparently wanted. But this feeling faded, too.
I don't know if I've become callous to the feeling. Or maybe I'm just okay with the way that I am naturally. I don't dig smash down parties. I don't dig bar hopping. I don't dig large crowds of loud people.
I am comfortable with what I do like, even if it's different from everyone else. I like to spend a Friday night going to art openings, drinking some good wine, eating some cheese, chatting with some close friends (pinky finger remaining wrapped around my glass). Or maybe exploring some part of the city I haven't yet discovered...Or even staying at home and having a bonfire and looking at fireflies.
I love discovering this about myself and feeling that it's okay. Better than okay. It's me.