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It's late. I should be asleep, but mymind wouldn't stop wandering... different paths of my life my thoughts wanted to explore consciously. I was jumbled...but I lay there smiling up at the ceiling I couldn't see, wanting to capture this feeling. So I'm here, in the dim light of the screen.

What I want to capture: Right now I feel empowered. I am not afraid. Actually, I am quite calm. I know the boat will rock and I will just rock with it, and it makes me excited for the waves, even though I know they will frighten me when they get here. I am prepared. I so wish I could keep that feeling in my pocket for when the waves arrive.

Calm water...I was watching a movie earlier tonight, my husband couldn't keep his eyes open. I layed a pillow on my lap so he could sleep. And I was distracted from the flickering movement because he looked so peaceful. So beautiful. So child-like. I could see him as a little blonde boy and it made my insides just dance. I feel so lucky to be where I am. To be in love. And to feel safe. And to feel centered in my life. I don't know how to say it to make anyone understand, or if that is even important. Maybe not. I just feel fortunate that I am here, now, and I can experience this. To not take it for granted...

Not taking it for granted. That's why I'm here in the dark. The whole world is asleep and I am a small person looking up at the stars that no one else sees, making a small wave that no one else feels. And that's okay with me because I am content. I am content.

Sweet dreams...