109508604422662128

Getting in it. There's something to be said for completely letting go and getting down and dirty. Literally. When my mom came down to school me on gardening, I was, at first, wearing gloves, squatting down to avoid getting dirt on my knees, and taking it easy. As the day rolled on, I shed the gloves, shoved my hands down into the dirt, and just sat in the mud where I was digging. I was completely covered in filth. My face was dirt-smeared and it was under my nails. But it felt so good. It felt good to just be in the moment.

Same thing last night. I went fishing with some friends on the lake. This time I didn't even try to hold back initially. I just grabbed the worms, baited my hook, and rubbed my hands off on my jeans. And I fished. (Caught two doinkers.)

Sometimes I feel like I hold myself back figuratively too. I like to keep things in little clean boxes that don't push on the walls of my comfort zone. I know what I've done before and I can do it again with no problems. But going a little further sometimes makes my heart jump. What if it sucks? I need to learn that that's okay. Especially if it's for myself...just trying to get dirty being in the moment.

For instance, Saturday I experimented with a new painting technique. And it turned out nasty. Not the best. Colin walked by and said, "I've seen you do better." and I smiled because I knew he was right (and I appreciate his honesty). And I just closed my notebook and didn't show anyone else. Why would I? I was just trying something new to see if it'd work. I can try it again later. I'm just happy that I'm pushing back a little and getting in it.