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One thing I wasn't expecting when I was contemplating going full-time freelance is the very violent ups and downs in outlook. It's really unnerving. And it's all internal, I believe. Nothing on the outside changes, just the way I think about it. (But I can't seem to change that thinking, even though I understand what it is.)

For example. Last night I was very down...Wondering what the hell I am doing? Where am I going with this? Why do I put this on myself? I'm going to be nothing but a big fat failure and I'll have to walk home with my tail between my legs. And then I'll just die from my own lack of self-worth. Blehk...

And then this morning I am suddenly feeling much lighter. I feel like I can conquer my lists of things to do. That it's not just a sea of creative people with no faces, but everyone has their own unique identity. That one can succeed in a creative field and by doing what they love. Just stick to it and keep your head down and charge!

See what I mean? Total flip-flop. We're up...and we're down.

I wish there was a little light switch in my head that I could flip back to "on" when the darkness seeps in. Or I wish it at least gave some kind of warning: "HEY LOPE! You're gonna feel like utter sh*t for the next 3 hours or so, okay? So just go get a cup of tea and the box of kleenex."

I could deal with that. I could maybe prepare myself and hunker down waiting for this spell of bombing to be over.

But no...I just write about it the next day. And try to give some kind of warning to those thinking about going into this adventure for themselves. Be warned....you will have ups and downs. You will wonder why you're doing this. Just wait and you'll eventually know.

Note to self: read this during the next low.