This weekend was really scary for me personally. Being around eight powerful, open, spiritual, beautiful women. It completely overwhelmed me. And it was just what I needed. I didn't talk much. I really felt it was my place to sit and be and soak in all of this. Listen and learn and feel my discomfort. For a while I felt like they were all several steps ahead of me... and I followed like a wounded lamb. On the edge of exposure (and I don't do well with exposure). I felt like this time they had things to teach me, but I didn't have anything to teach back. But after a time reflecting and feeling bad about that, I decided that that was okay. If it's where I am right now, that's where I am. Forcing it would have been dishonest to myself and injured me more. And I can't do that, even if I'm the only one left out. And I trust them enough to feel like they are all okay with me where I am...
On the long journey home I had time to sit with everything that happened, and I started to realize how much I'd learned. I have an optimism about 2006 that I didn't have before (despite all the good news I post here). I feel like I have been given a flashlight and I know where I need to go... which, is into myself even more. I need to explore and tunnel through and figure out just what the hell I'm here to say and who I am. My beliefs from an objective, educated, honest place. Accept myself. Soak in even more. Really enjoy the caterpillar. And then see what happens.
So, to all the beauties that I spent the weekend with: thank you for being patient. Thank you for holding open your heart. Thank you for not forcing me. Thank you for being you. And most of all, thank you for this flash light.
* * * * (I left my laptop in CA, so anyone who's emailed me, I apologize. I'll get back to you as soon as I can...)