Here’s a snippet: "I came of age in an era when my mother would allow me to walk to school on my own, and I know you are thinking, “What? All by yourself with no supervision?” but yes. That’s how it was. I would trek for half a mile across the vast supercontinent of Pangaea, where we lived, hoping I wouldn’t be attacked by any sabertoothed cats or stumble into a pond of quicksand, which television assured me was a very real danger.”
The whole essay is a stitch, and you can read it here.
Thanks to AD Maria Stegner for the assignment!