Friday night's secret santa gift exchange wasn't nearly as bad as I dreaded, or so I hear. I was in the bathroom when she opened the print. Colin later reported to me that there was much squealing and hugging of the print. Sorry I missed it. Next time I'll stick around and see what happens. I did get a reminder though, that I am just not really one for parties. I do not like them and never have. At parties I feel uncomfortable and out of place... I stare at my feet a lot and hum-haw, trying to think of topics to talk about and always drawing a blank. And feel dumb because it seems like everyone else is so GOOD at talking to each other...
In college when you were "supposed" to go enjoy parties, my best friend would drag me to them and I'd stay for about 15 minutes until I heard that familiar voice in my head "Yeah, this is so not my thing." and I'd bolt out the back, passing my best friend and telling her to call me when she wanted me to pick her up.
I'd much rather be with a small group of friends who I know. Or with one other person. Or by myself.
I wonder how many more times I will subject myself to a party, thinking it will be alright this time. And trying to force myself into a shape I am not. Wishing I was more like the "fun people" and less like myself. But not really. I'm fine with not liking parties. I just need to think of some good excuses to get out of them in the future.