During a phone conversation yesterday with a few of my friends, I told them how stressful this time right now is for me... Worried about the house selling (no bites yet), busy sorting and packing all our belongings, working on a bunch of really fun assignments (had a good drawing day yesterday... I needed that!), having to get out of the house at the drop of a hat for a showing... They asked me what I would like to be held accountable for in the next month. Something I would like to be/have/manifest in the next month that they could ask about and hold me to.
And the first thing that came to mind was "grace". I wanted to move through this period of stress with grace... look back and be able to be proud of myself for keeping it all together seamlessly, trusting that it would all work out the way it was supposed to, and even trying to enjoy this time. Move through it elegantly.
So far I've been doing a rotten job. I've only been focusing on the scary parts (not selling our house for a long time, not being packed when the movers come, etc) and glossing over all of the exciting parts (discovering a new city, moving into an apartment we've never even seen, having different adventures, making new friends). And I've been so busy that I've stopped walking and doing yoga because I can't seem to squeeze them into my days (and they are SO important!).
Yesterday I make a pact with myself to stop this madness. To relax and let it be. To trust.
So last night, with this in mind, I went out to the lake with Colin and Matt. They were going out to work on Matt's boat and asked me to come along. I was wanting to decline so I could stay home and pack (and revel in my stress), but instead I said okay and packed up my book and some bug spray.
When we got out to the lake I rolled up my jeans and sat on the dock dangling my feet in the warm water and just read. What a luxury to sit down and do nothing but read...
They wrapped up their work after the sun went down and it was dark enough to see stars, and we decided to take the boat out for a bit. The water was black and peaceful, and the breeze was warm. So we decided to get in and swim. It'd been a long time since I swam at night (since high school I think) and jumping in was like a baptism. I felt completely regenerated and free. All those cares sank to the bottom of the lake as I felt myself let go and just be in the moment for once...
It was heaven.