hidden in the mess

Today I got out the india ink and a big brush and just went to town on a spread in my journal. Big black strokes with rough feathery edges. After that it seemed like it needed circles so I started drawing tiny circles all around the brush strokes. Quick and easy. Unthinking. The result was sort of an ugly mess of splotches and octopus suckers. Not really worth keeping or being proud of. I was about to paint over it, but I thought, I bet there is beauty in there somewhere. I just need to look closer. So I scanned that ugly drawing in at a high resolution and I started playing with different croppings... seeing something there that I missed when I was just glancing at it from a distance. The result is below. Eight different sections of the drawing that I felt made beautiful little compositions in themselves.

And I thought of the parallel this had to my life right now. There's a lot of ugliness and negativity that seems to be lingering over me and mine at the moment. Dreams being squashed and hopes being dimmed... I can't really see the silver lining or the good parts from this angle. It just looks messy and hard...

But looking deeper, I see some goodness hidden in there. Some heartfelt conversations. Some realization of what the good life means and what it doesn't. Faith that some unknown doors will open. Some embraces that tell you what someone's heart is saying. Some overlooked blessings coming to the light. Some small understandings.

It's all there, just hidden slightly in the mess. We just have to look a little closer.

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