insomnia

(illustration for Duncan Baird's "The New Secret Language of Dreams")

I haven't been sleeping at night. This may sound obvious with a newborn, but even when she's sleeping peacefully, I lie awake with my mind spinning. I tumble over thoughts and problems and ideas and memories. It's frustrating, to be sure. But I don't know what I can really do about it. I've tried lying there in savasana, relaxing each muscle in my body and focusing on my breath. I've tried honoring each thought and letting it sail through and out of my mind. And I've tried getting up and reading a bit or fixing a bite to eat. Nothing really works and I lie there staring up at the cob webs on the ceiling (hey housework really goes out the window when you're a new mom).

One thing I've learned, though, is that I can shift my thoughts from being angry about it to thinking about something positive. So I think about things I'm grateful for. This usually starts very slowly when I'm mad about being awake... but it does pick up once I get over myself. And I also play a game where I try to think of all the fun things I'm looking forward to -- this is my favorite. (I think this fits in nicely with my "resolution" to have more fun and bring my joy into my life this year!) A few things from my list:

- going to the zoo this summer. Even if Veda is too young to appreciate any of it, it'll still be fun to get outside and do it.

- starting a veggie garden at my mom's house (frost free date here is May 10!). eating our own produce is going to be so rewarding.

- learning how to make homemade salsa.

- fixing up this old house (we're starting with the kitchen... I can't wait!).

- peppermint tea.

- the new Illustration Friday that we are going to launch soon. I designed it. Brianna is busy coding it. Holy moly it's gonna be good! Ya'll are going to love it!

- another little web surprise in the works that I can't tell you about yet.

- the farmer's market opening up soon. I hear my area has a good one and I'm looking forward to checking it out.

- getting down to indianapolis to visit family and go out to a first friday gallery night once Veda's a smidge older.

- taking Veda on a hike through the woods.

- seeing green leaves appear on the trees.

- walking through the grass barefoot.

That's twelve. There are a lot more, but I find this fun... I think it's super important to look forward to things in your life, don't you? It makes it all seem more exciting and gives you reasons to put one foot in front of the other when you need to.

What's on your list of things you're looking forward to?

* * * p.s. In the comments the other day, Denise asked if this was an advice free zone. I say: hell no! I'll take all the stories and words of wisdom I can get. I would like to refer to it as "what worked for me" instead of advice though. hee. Semantics, right?