life and blogs

life42908.jpg - putting on a poncho and scrubbing the outside of the house in the rain

- teaching two four year olds how to do a cartwheel

- them teaching me how to pretend to roll down hill on a flat surface

- saying goodbye to my brother and alison, who left for Indiana yesterday

- sitting out on the front porch with a sketchbook, coffee, and my favorite incense

- purchasing a chartreuse and white striped scarf just to try something new

- celebrating the downpour because of a new rain barrel

- noticing the miniscule bubbles in a dark beer

- seeing stars on the ground

- chinese food picnic on the floor

- expecting the safety net to eventually appear

- reading reading reading

- looking for a new bicycle on freecycle.org

My life in list form, over the past several days...

I have been thinking about taking a blog sabbatical lately. Wondering what I am contributing to this world wide web. Is it different? Is it worth anything? Am I just babbling here? I have been spending so much time outside lately and when I come back to the computer, I see so much overlap. So many good thoughts happening, sure. But there are just SO many out there now, and I'm wondering if I'm just lopping one more onto that pile.

I started blogging as a way to record my thoughts and my own artistic and human journey. I think along the way I got a little lost. I started comparing and seeking, rather than spilling my own truth. Or maybe I didn't and that's just how I perceive it now. And maybe that was just part of my process to get to an even more honest space. Maybe I am not supposed to judge it. (My new mantra lately has been : "don't judge. don't judge. don't judge.")

Once again I have been looking deep down to see what kind of life I want to lead. And I wonder if blogging fits into that. One one hand, I love having this digital record. It's really cool to look back through the archives and see where I was three years ago and how much I've changed... growing up into myself and in my art. And I love the community aspect... getting to know you all in this medium.

On the other hand, I keep an analog journal for myself and maybe that's enough. I also wonder what would happen to my career. Does blogging even affect it? Do I need it as a tool to help me connect with work? Does it help (indirectly) keep a roof over my head?

Perhaps I am just in a funk with it now. I actually feel a weight lifted by just writing this and hitting publish. (I wasn't sure I wanted to talk about this...) Maybe just saying admitting this out loud to myself and to you has helped chip away at the funk.

And oddly, an email just chimed in from a reader who recommended a book to me, based on what she's been reading on my blog. A book I already own, strangely enough. So maybe she just delivered a sign that this blog, my truth, is doing putting some good into the world... and giving some back. Or maybe I should just read that book. :)