mourning (but not lingering)

Even while things are still largely unresolved and even a little sickening... tonight, for the first time, I am mourning this life that we've built here. In honesty, it hasn't been a good fit for us (for me especially), but this is the state that my husband loves for its subtle remarkableness. And this is the town is where my mother lives and I'll miss her calm presence and wisdom. This is the house that we fell in love with despite its challenges. This is the bedroom where I labored on my hands and knees and felt the first roar of motherhood. This is where Veda spent her newborn days and where she took her first steps. This is the space she knows. The space I made beautiful. The space that has heard all of our family of three's laughter and tears and growing pains. And even though I'm ready to move on and to go find new adventures, I'll miss this... right here.