Back to May... In the month of May I also sent off a book proposal (gulp) (!). About a year ago I was approached by a publisher to write a book (do you remember?). You might also remember that I pulled out of the proposal about a week later. Because I didn't feel ready. Didn't feel right. I knew what I proposed was not the book I really wanted to write, but it was what I thought the publisher was expecting to see... what I imagined they wanted. So I said, please disregard what I sent ... I'm so sorry.
A year past. And this May they contacted me again. And this time I took stock of the current situation: moving cross-country again, Alison's cancer, working on a baby, teaching and attending workshops this fall, full-time illustrator, gallery shows, AND trying to have a life. And I thought: what the hell. There seems to be no good time that I feel ready. So why not just dive in?
A week later we took a road trip up to Indiana and in the car, the book proposal just came to me. I quickly jotted it down in my notebook and then felt all fizzy inside... was it good? Was it stupid? ... Well, all the questions (and answers) you see above was what spilled out. (And are still in there too, going back and forth between fear and excitement.)
The proposal is now with the publisher. Has been for a few weeks now. And I wait for a response. But I haven't pulled out yet either, which I'm proud of myself for.
If this book is meant to be, then they will say yes. And if not, no big deal. I have enough happening right now anyway. So I sit and wait patiently for the outcome.