tracks

Hi. Sorry about that last post. Well, not sorry exactly... it's what I've been feeling so it's true. But sorry I left no tracks leading up to it.

The biggest deal lately has been the cloud of a decision lingering over head lately... for the last few months at least. This decision is whether to stay here in this tiny town. Or leave and go back to Indianapolis. This would be another big upheaval for us (even though I seem to thrive on large life changing upheavals, I'll be honest), and we're not sure we're 1) up to it again so soon, or 2) whether it'll solve enough of the problems to make it worth it.

We've been really weighing this. Making endless lists of pros and cons. Ups and downs. Dumbs and smarts. And we're thinking about timing. And finances. And friends. And community. And divinity. And lakes. And babies. And boredom. And truth. Wondering if there is any real answer. Or if it's just six of one, half dozen of the other. And if so, is that worth anything.

Also been dealing with some work issues. Squeezing a full-time creative job into slivers of time and sleep schedules. Having big ideas and dreams and only being able to take notes here and there with no real progress toward any of them. Timing is off. Days later I look down at scrap papers around the house that say: "heartbeats", "inner condition gardens", and "she's a mountain" and sometimes wonder if I'm crazy.

And speaking of crazy, let's add yoga into that. I'm in a bad place with it because of my work load and toddling giggle girl right now. I feel like I'm passing it by in the hallways on my way to change a poopy diaper or answer an urgent email. It's not my place of stability and serenity as it once was. I need to harness it again.

And of course, holiday madness. Driving all over creation to see people and still missing half of them. Not being able to spend as much time as I'd like. And wondering what homemade thing to do for everyone this year that would be well-received and somewhat easy to accomplish in less than 24 days.

So there are some tracks. And a little brain dump for me, which actually feels pretty good. Thanks for listening, dear inner net.

p.s. Also, much gratitude for the kind emails and comments from you... I needed the lift.

p.p.s. I'll talk about good things again soon. I got 'em. They're just in my back pocket.