just a glimpse

pic taken by Colin with the Holga. Click image for more.

hi there. Just a quick pop in to say hello. I am still here. Feeling a bit overwhelmed for the last little bit with a bean who seems to freak out at bed time. It's not frustrating as much as it is heartbreaking. She wants so badly to sleep, but something inside her seems to keep her from it. sigh... these hours are long and difficult. I just wish I could give her a peaceful transition.

Also, I just wanted to write a quick list to remind myself where I was at this moment when I look back a year from now:

- FINALLY painting the rooms in my house. Aqua dining room, yellowy living room, taupe stairwell and sage hallway. And lots of orange and green accents for fun and punch. I realized that while I admire the the look of the white, stark, clean walls of swedish and modern design... I can't live with it. I need me some color.

- Loving Veda's new laughter. She just found her giggle.

- Rereading "Eat, Pray, Love" again because I seem to have lost my spiritual path -- and this book was a catapult before. I feel a little like my little boat has lost its slip...

- Knowing I need to journal again, but every time I pick up my notebook my hands aren't feelin' it. They cramp up after a page or two and tell me no. So I wait till I open up to it again.

- REEEEALLLLY looking forward to a massage next week. (There is a massage school here and they give cheap massages! Sweet!)

- Learning and accepting moderation. More on this later.

- Wanting to connect to a local mama or two and form an understanding and fun and easy friendship. (I miss my friends in SC pretty bad.)

- In fact, I miss South Carolina as a whole pretty bad. That life I'd set up there fit really nicely. And I feel like I'm relearning and rebuilding many things since the move. This is extremely hard to deal with actually and I'm trying to be gentle with myself and allow myself to grieve. And then allow myself to feel the joy of living here now.

- Just starting the garden at my mom's house. Honestly, I haven't been much help... haven't done much except for bounce Veda around and show it to her, but I'm loving having a garden. I am excited to watch it grow.

- Working on some really fun illustrations for a dream client. (!) More on this later too.

- About to launch the new Illustration Friday. I can't wait... and wish I could give Brianna one of those student massages as she codes and de-bugs the last little bits.

- Doing a lot of porch sitting and watching as the park enters summer.

- Feeling bad when I read other mama blogs. Feeling like I don't know what I'm doing. Or I don't know where I fit in. Or I'm not doing enough for Veda. But then at the same time knowing that I'm doing just fine. It's such a weird thing... I don't know how to explain it.

- Feeling really tired.

That's all. Lopie, my dear, you are doing just fine. One foot in front of the other.